crazyonkeyz

crazyonkeyz @ 2009-05-11T00:34:00

2009-05-11T04:37:00Z

we are an after-the-fact culture. we're about finding a cure; someTHING. it's always about DOing something, or ingesting something, or buying something. we never look at stopping doing something, preventing things.. no. anti-this and anti-that. anti-aging, anti-fat.
we buy fast food..but then the commercials tell us to lose weight with this new pill..so we take the pill..but then this pill gives us a myriad of side effects so we have to get more pills, etc.

crazyonkeyz @ 2009-04-25T12:44:00

2009-04-25T16:47:52Z

i will move on from this place. and so will you, one day. we all do.

and if you're in the right context, the environmental conditions are just a certain way, it's easy to close your eyes and be taken back to a different time, a specific memory..when things were different.. yes, things were different. i had a different view of the world in that front room of the beach house in Canada on Crescent Beach. Papa was still around. Nana was coherent. The aunts and uncles were close, and had dreams, and smiles. The world was a pretty and predictable place. I was safe. Mom was moody but happy most the time and that was okay. Mom did the talking and I just listened. Everyone did the talking and I only listened. I was happy. And the warm overcast sky, and the warm breeze sweeping in through the screen doors, encapsulating me in a safe dream.

crazyonkeyz @ 2009-04-24T23:22:00

2009-04-25T03:23:52Z

simplicitiy. focus. drive. precision. patience. empathy. humility.

i want to be a good human.
i want to learn the most I can.
I want to love the most I can.
I want to make a difference.
I want to find meaning.
I want to remain humble.
I want to listen.

crazyonkeyz @ 2009-04-17T15:41:00

2009-04-17T19:47:44Z

once again i'm reminded that counseling is what i want to do. just had a really encouraging and insightful conversation with leah..kind of came out of nowhere.
but we were talking about family and relationships and sex and society and our culture..etc.
we talked about how getting married and having kids and starting a family seems to be the thing to look forward to in life..the ultimate climax, but..then what? and the thing that doesn't make sense is that, if this idea of family is such the thing we look forward to, then why is there such a lack of family importance, and why are we so far from family-oriented???
the other thing is, this idea of it being the climax to life and "then what?" mentality, could be the reason for all the divorce and re-marriage..trying to re-live that climax and experience..trying to get that same "high" again...it really is interesting.. i called people in our culture novelty-vampires. we are ravenous and constantly crave new experiences, something constatntly taking us higher and higher, something that's the quick fix. the thing to get us. the thing to grab our attention. the thing to distract us from our misery. the thing the thing the thing! THINGS. and that's another "thing" (haha)...we are more material-oriented than family-oriented. we are way more interested in the tangible stuff...than the stuff inside each other.

Intro to Counseling

2008-05-01T15:39:34Z

It's quite possible that I just had the best academic moment of my life (try to disregard how utterly dorky that sounds).
I'm taking a class called Introduction to Counseling. Granted, I'm not a psych major, but my major does have to do with helping others..so I figured why not. Turns out it was an excellent choice. This class is by far the best I have taken at college. I have learned so much about life and people. It's amazing. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with how great the teacher is. He's tough, but that's okay. It makes you actually learn something. It's one of the few classes I've ever had where I truly want to go.

Anyways, today we got back our first project..which was a 30 minute role-play audiotape (between a counselor [me[ and a client) along with a a paper. He handed them back at the end of class, and there was a lot of tension in the room. He made it sound like most the class didn't do all that well. He said there were only a few high scores, and that he expected a better job on the next audiotape. Well, low and behold, I turned to the last page of mine to see scribbled "19/20 Top Score, keep it up!" Not only was I shocked, but also immensely proud. It's the type of class where when you do well on something, you know you really did well. I was a bit shaky and even teared up (outside the classroom of course)..but yeah, certainly overjoyed. Kind of strange how never has a good grade meant that much to me before until today.

//end dork mode.

Strange.

2008-04-25T17:21:22Z

Last night was strange. Went for a run after I got out of Personality. It was a great run. Went around Ring, up Central, down Temple, and finally flew through campus until reaching the library. I'm going to miss this place after all. This is my last spring semester here. I'm already starting to feel ultimately nostalgic, and possibly trying to make up for it by over-living. My "Fred 3rd year" photos album is way larger than the past 2 years. Guess you take it for granted when the end isn't in sight.

I'm really worried about the future. It's looking pretty hectic. I want this summer to be a great one. It's looking like it will be, aside from no car. The job I have lined up goes from June 30th until August 15th. But it will be Monday-Friday 9-4. I was thinking about searching for another job at a restaurant such as hostess or bussing, just to fill in the large gap from when I get out of school to when I start the red box job..but eh. I don't know.

Next semester most my classes will be speech related, plus I'll be taking clinical, meaning I'll actually be going to a site and working with children. Apparently they just kinda throw you in and don't give you much direction. Worried about that. Excited too though. Also excited about the fact that I'll have my own dorm room, located in the oldest (but best) dorm building on campus. The rooms are nice and spacious, very homey feeling, with 2 big windows, built in shelves, stuff like that. Going home to student-teach in the spring. It's gonna be quite a let down going from the comfort and luxury of not only being on my own, but the nice room, to home.

Next year will also entail applying to grad school. The whole process seems exhausting. Dr. Tillery spoke to us the other day about how tough it is to get in for our major. That didn't help in the anxiety department. I'm just going to take it as it comes. Ben didn't get in. He's going to just take a year off and work, and apply again. I was thinking I'd be more than okay with doing something like that. We'll see. Going home for me always feels like over-staying a visit before even getting in the door.

To Reminisce

2007-11-20T01:43:11Z

this time, last year

it was
this time,last year
when you stole my heart with words
and I stole yours with promises
it was
this time, last year
the eve of some sort of something
before our lips had touched
we should have stayed there longer
that fleeting place called GettingtoKnow
it was
this time, last year
waking from sleepy dreams
in your haunted abode
the feel of that day
melting snow, an unexpected warmth
animals on the windshield, laughter on the playground
it was
this time, last year
I wish it were
this time, last year